How do you feel about me? I grew up being told I was well-behaved all the time. If you knew in private that I had fits when upset, would you consider me less as a person?
I wonder if us talking about it will irritate others who act like they profess otherwise. They think I'm inferior racially. That's their excuse to be how they are to me.
Also, if I have some difficulty adapting handling people who are mean to me who won't stop even when they know I want them to know I feel bad and to just stop whatever it is then and maybe have to go away for then at least, would you think I was mentally ill?
I'm guessing you don't have this problem because you don't have people who base their life on hurting you for your race, tho I grew up as a normal kid. I feel I am tossed away as trash, if I seem inferior because of other hardships but discriminated because of mixed race.
Just know I don't want to bother people nor act too crazy in private ever. For instance, I seemed better and felt like celebrating, tho others still don't accept me for my past. Anyway, it got a bit worse. I kept posting how upset I was and wanted it to stop, like I said in these cases sometimes, but after I was at my wit's end posting how miserable I was over and over, people continued to say the same things. I was mad physically then. It's because I was trying to post my problems and was so tired and they wouldn't quit. I cared what they said because they can affect my life a lot. It's a secret. I can blame those people and someone else I won't name for starting to irritate me when things were fine and I knew I needed to feel better somehow because of my past bothering me. Then, I got upset gradually more and more.
I think you are a wonderful and precious daughter. You often teach me things with your insights. I am amazed at your determination and growth. I'm sorry for your difficulties. You certainly don't deserve them. I admire how you create every day and build and rebuild a future of hope. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI love you,
Dad
Thanks! That's a very nice response. I'm probably tougher than you, in important ways; you're rather "monumental" with a good, polished reputation, aha ha. I don't have many difficulties, in some ways compared to most people. Yes! I need to shape my future, now that my room is clean, can do other things I need to do, like exercise a bit more now. I'm concerned about you. I bet other people are, too. Let's hope Barb reads this and comments. }:)
Deletewell, first of all, I love you, and love who you are, not some other version. life can be very challenging and often disappointing, and I think it is harder to cope with when we are younger, maybe as we get older we understand that life is and will be hard, and have come to accept that. I have tried to appreciate the happy/good things in life as a buffer against the disappointing and sad ones...and have accepted that this is the ebb and flow of life experience, at least for me.
ReplyDeleteI can remember many times as a younger woman, wondering why people were the way they were and why so many didn't seem to like me...I never knew what I did that would have made anyone not like me...but there it was, and I was not accepted as I often hoped. I eventually learned to simply put my energy into the things that were important to me, and when I found friends, good...if not, then that was just the way it was. When I really think about it, I don't really have many friends at all...mostly just people that I have worked or gone to school with.
I most admire your continual work toward becoming better at all the things you: music, exercise, fashion...just becoming every day. I am so excited for your upcoming trip and think it will be so fun for you. Keep making opportunities for new experiences and follow your music (and other) dreams!
Yea, I guess you just gotta go thru life more without dwelling on problems that you live with.
DeleteIt seems unfair how some people's lives get thrown out.
Yea, I usually try to focus on life in general and am interested in other people. Some people bring on habits that don't "stand the test of time," tho.
Well, sometimes people throw me off with older ways.
That's nice of you to suggest that I'm doing music as a good thing and to list it first. I was gonna try to get in movies, but music is so important and a joint experience among many people.
My vacation in NYC, I am saving my monthly allowance for it. I get separate weekly allowance, I can use to get things I need, tho, but otherwise banking up to explore.
I like to encourage my dad in exercising and that he has a peaceful life, but sometimes I feel embarrassed at home. I finally decided to clean everything I owned, and now I hope I get back on track with more exercise, tho I usually don't miss intentional, sometimes daily jogging.
You seem to be having some fun in life. I have some psychology books. So far, I remember to learn to just listen sometimes, to literally follow this message.
I'm learning German, and it's become easy to learn with different methods. I am almost done with 2 chapters of good reading, on pronunciation and examples. Pimsleur might be one of the best because it teaches you to repeat what they say. I've listened to Drive Time German, too. I really want to adventure in life. I want to live in Germany and someday study violin and be in an orchestra there, preferably a traveling orchestra, someday.
I've already sparked up at the idea to help you/others, somehow in things that upset you, at least an impetus for a few things and to figure other things out, hopefully... just so you know.
I'm pretty much adult in a lot of ways. I know how to read and write. I am emotionally intelligent. "I'm proud to be an American."
I guess something that bothers me is if you should be a little upset in your mind to "get it out" or to keep it from getting worse or if you just try not to think about a lot of things you're used to dealing with. Also, I like to learn to explain things if there's time rather than just say I'm bad and that's it, like I won't deal with it later, I guess.
Well, things are how they are in the world. People consume themselves in unnecessary anger and some get more attention than others, unfairly, even if it's good people who work good and do what they're supposed to and others just don't care, just bad people doing bad things some.
Thanks so much for the response! Hopefully, my dad will return in a timely manner.