Not for Me, Some Things

Sometimes, I can't count on anyone ... or anything ... but that inevitable sense of humor that follows.

Question

If someone proves to be a good person to someone and they don't have weird issues, why is it always time to stop the boat and treat them like a baby while you feel "stupid?"

"Having an Attitude"

Do you ever get mad when you shouldn't be?  Like, people say you should always try, even when things go wrong.  I was in the habit of doing that.  I know I sometimes just go thru the motions and am not that nice around when people are being mean to me, in secret message.  It happens too often, and my problems are petty but get gashed in, like by a lot of people around me.

cont.

People are attracted to the scent of it.

Something I Didn't Need

Why is it a project to inappropriately stimulate and exploit someone older I like?

cont.

I don't mind people wondering about it, neither.

Thinking "Outside of the Box"

I just figured something out.  If you can't look up to someone or listen to them, like a mentor or parent etc., it can't be that they're right and good etc. cuz that's the kind of thing.  Sometimes, I don't listen to "God" and I do the right thing.  Anyway, it's something interesting to learn.  I am not really comfortable listening to people, but I follow the rules without conceit.

I wonder why some people "submit" in certain ways to others... I guess some people do, and some people don't for different reasons.

So, I am fine with that.

Question

What is it about some people that makes everybody like them?

Here is someone everyone likes: link.

Question

If nothing's going on in the world of classical music, what is everyone doing now?

Everything seems to have stopped since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) came out.

Advanced Mathematics

Did you know people think anything for me is selfish and should be for the whole world?

Quirky Memes

I found out something interesting.  What do you think about this?

If you try to follow a meme to be quirky, you might get stuck specializing in something more than winning as a person.

I wonder what most people do.

I made it this far.

I majored in music, unsure of what instrument to chose and so did 2, and I had prospects to go to France or Germany and learn the language and chose French.  It's been 11 years, and I changed to violin and German.  I didn't know music was that serious to me and so wasn't decisive about chosing an orchestral instrument cuz for some strange reason it seemed like a good idea, when I was at a public high school, tho I was doing piano.  I seemed to hope to make it on Broadway and major in musical theater.  That's a lot of work and dedication to a goal.

A "Planned" "Fail"

How were we supposed to know as kids "what" went into good programs in school and opportunities to succeed, to start early on ... what if you like violin?

hey

Fur Elise is on Music Choice.

Yikes!

Some people close to us want to break our relationship, someone, and I feel I have the okay to have to believe it or there'll be a fight to me.

People are mean to me.

It's not even a nice when I'm in the home.  My parents seem estranged, but I don't feel like posting about how they are now here.

Really?

Everyone in the world seems mean to me.  Do you all naturally do this to please my dad?

Constantly "in the Dog House"

I wonder why some people act like they have seem as "clean cut" as or more than me.

cont.

I run into him a lot at home when I leave my room, and he sends secret messages.  Other people are out having the time of their lives, and I have to worry what I think around the house.

Unnecessarily and Harmfully Sheltered

I feel sheltered and prevented from living my life by my dad.  I bet in childhood he did it in secret.

Too Cheap

I feel my situation is too shallow, while I'm being monitored in private for whatever incentive.

The Problem

If the world is the problem, why make me into the problem?

If I'm so worn, how will I emerge triumphant?  How will I be successful after being pulled out of music school and abused when I tried to improve my health and did ballet and wanted to be in movies?

Message Board

Here is an excerpt from a post I just made.  I talk more directly here because it's in public and someone I know.  It hits more than one unique and important point.

I guess people can be conformists sometimes and not make sense these days. That's making things into trouble. I almost don't trust it here. I don't know if I can trust anyone other than lucky exchanges, like with strangers.  ...  I feel that it wouldn't matter how they are to me in some ways if people didn't influence them to talk to me, tho I suppose some people a lotta people are just mutually interested in, for whatever removed reason to add to the situation. I guess I'm kinda being cornered and going thru something, to be honest. I'm afraid I'll just keep getting fought and accused for my reaction and how I am seen to act and react. I want to know why people have rounded up against me and see me as fake, and all of a sudden people think they're more authentic than me, like they "have to have it." This isn't fair and doesn't make sense. The body is a temple. Why can't I ever get what I've earned? I must have gotten mad more than most people for how I'm mistreated. Things were getting better, too.

Hilarious

People even think it's illegal to say a musician is not "better" than someone who has less skill in music.

More Problems

I wonder why people keep approaching me to make me inhibited in a bad way like something's wrong.  People keep acting like I'm like a criminal to be how I am because people used to praise me a lot tho I didn't know why do that, and now people are acting like I'm egotistical in a way that causes big problems.  They created that drama.  How do they even read into that much that people used to praise me a lot?

Annoyed

Classical orchestral musicians try to make an excuse that they are better than actors or people who wish they could play; that's why they all look so mad.

Dishonesty

I wonder if I inherited any traits of being fat or anything that I have to work off somehow.  I'm already trying to keep up my health.  I saw someone else in a similar situation who was more like me in ways others aren't, for some reason.  It made me get a drink of water.  What if people were just animals or robots and "love" or emotions were just a made up fantasy?  I hope not; so, "what'll it be?"

Why is it suddenly okay for people to say I'm something that is not the product of what I wanted to be or grew to try to be, and others are that way, in certain ways?

I feel like I'm hyperventilating that I'm not skinny, and it shouldn't be that bad simply because of fat quantity.  I know it is popular that a significant amount of white people only like their Asians skinny, but they run the risk of gaining weight like me.

In fact I wasn't that fat before, and people acted like I must have weird, inappropriate desires.  What if my parents were too hard on me as an infant?  Like, "Oh, why aren't you as skinny as your mom is now when you're an infant?  You're not your mom, and she's better.  You're not the same race as your parents, neither.  Why did you get fatter as a baby?"  I feel like I share traits with my parents in "gay" ways.  Why would anyone want that?  One of the biggest thing people liked to say was that some people don't accept or like who they are, which can be said more now as being "self haters."  How is that possible to not care?  Those must be bad people who think they can go thru life doing this to people.

I know people seem to tell me I'm something I'm not.  I think I just had a hard life and don't want to be too close to some of the people I'm related to.  What else do you have to say?  I know that in trying to get in shape, for example, I feel people want to stop me and accuse me of trying to come off as something I'm not, somehow.  They don't believe in tomorrow.  They only believe in what it says before.  People are nice to me and then take it back to act like they can accuse me of "taking" in that I accepted people I liked talking to me.  Why are people so obsessed that people have to be seen as as good as their parents in certain ways when they fail to show themselves apart?  Also, I don't really want parents if that's the case.  I feel rejected like maybe there is something essentially wrong with my intents and me as a person, like if I don't follow what other people say that I will not be okay with how things around me are.  It's like we're all okay but it's illegal to think we're that good anymore.  There are some physical things that are hard to change, like injuries, if you bit or cut your nails, your proportions, etc.

What if people are waiting to hurt lucky people?  It sounds scary that maybe all the good people are unfairly good.  Why don't the people who are not like that go for it and try to be like that, instead?

Cornering Asians

They have a different culture and we can admit there are good things about it for them and if we want can say possibly some for us.  Like, sometimes it feels like they have a glow about them, which can be nice sometimes.  Lots of people like that kind of stuff in different races.

All About Me

I wonder why people like to put, for instance, the Spanish as a different race but not Italian.  I know Germany has some Italian blood mixed in it.  They and other countries I know have Asian/Chinese.  I know, for instance, Finland has Hungarian blood mixed in it.  I figured when I'm with other people that I should have precautions taken around me anyway that the Southern European ones should be made more important in some ways so I am not seen as overbearing.  It seems tho, I felt, it was there to oust me, rather than find guilty people guilty.  I should know well that Southern Europeans, sometimes, some say Asians like me are there to be placed as less like Northern Europeans in the ways they are good than they are.

Over Time: Innocent Until Proven Guilty

I wonder if I'm a normal, innocent person like most anyone else.

I put up my Life Story linked under My Websites.  Here it is: link.

cont.

I keep getting people acting like they say, "I don't know," and are looking at me cross-eyed.

Pathetic

I don't want people to dig into my dad to find me, like they're better.  I am a good person.  People give me problems.

The Secret

Is it better to take breaks from life and get fat and ugly?

cont.

I keep being teased at others having the time of their lives, when I'm surrounded by problems against me.

cont.

It seems some people are considered glorified when they say something is wrong, but when I say something smart people think I'm bad, maybe to that person, like a button on a program.  Things don't go well, neither.

Suffering Prejudice and Others's Pride

People ruined my life and acted like I have a problem, like I keep getting rubbed in when convenient that I'm unattractive and ugly and an unpleasant person in what I do and decide and come across as.  They just don't give me the time of day but to make fun of me or give me bad news with a smile.  They single me out as bad.

I know some people think that if you're not skinny that you're just stupid, unless they look like your mother.

I feel people are personally prejudiced against me and like to ruin older people I like/know.

They often pretend I am a bad person, too.

People say because people used to like me and be nice to me and even do things for me that I'm just a bad person and not the one who complimented myself and did nice things.  So, they're saying I'm worthless.  They themselves probably don't do things for anyone unless to attract a date or spouse.

They keep thinking that that did it and that I believe them.

They were told bad things about me and were threatened to do this, but maybe not everyone does it.  So, they must have drawn different conclusions.

No one seems to care about what I do, and my personal life gets messed up.  It's boring, in that way.

They think they have bait on me because I met people I liked and they're always messing with those relationships, saying if I am upset they are mean to me I am bad.  If I get upset physically in any way and even in private, they threaten my current or future relationships.  People like to edge me on, too, and make it look worse.  They are playing around with me, worsening my relationships like I won't have them good anymore and I often suffer things to do with it being threatened, like I need it and from my parents who I live with.

I am a bit fed up about my personal life, but I also wanted to highlight for interest's sake how everyone treats me and others.

I see other people where I live get away with living their lives.

It's important that so many people keep treating me like I'm nothing when, it seems in some ways, when it gets in my personal life and I sometimes get bothered about it if I accidentally think of a bad word or something.  I get that I'm nothing sometimes and can't insist some people talk to me.  So, I'm posting about it, here.

Do you think I am being trapped from having a good life like I earned before?

So, I guess I seem to be being confrontational about all the people who think I'm nothing because I'm mixed race.

"Say what?"

So Up North in the US you get second chances if you fix yourself, but in Europe and Down South if you mess up once you're out but bad people are still in.

cont.

I was looking up music conservatories in Germany looking for ones that accommodated English speakers if possible.

@ Wikipedia:

"Notable teachers and students"

Guess what just flashed before me?

"Study in English in Germany - Study in Germany for Free"

Good Ole Orlando

There's always something out there to do as a community it seems: church, the gym, ... more than one community theater with a full year of performances, the community and other major local colleges all having the arts...

I came out.

I wished my violin teacher a good Easter.  I said I wasn't going to church anymore because I wanted to focus on violin and taking the bus to church was becoming a center of my attention and I could not have it that way.  So, I'm just doing things that benefit violin, which include enough rest and unwinding.

Race

I guess I was right they're Caucasian.

Here is a link of a picture of Arabians on an Arabian dating site: link.

The Life of a Film Star

They are probably fighting off something like depression or suicidal type emotions.

The Life of an Adult

They're preoccupied, as well.  If they don't have kids, they're going nuts over their health.

The Life of a Kid

They're at home with their parents, or they're at band practice for hours a day or week, competition team in dance, dance team and cheerleading...

I keep coming to a blank, but I'm making it.  My sleep schedule is a bit off.

At least, I'll probably be in school next year, at a more well-behaved I think community college.  I aim to do music.  I am not really planning on taking the general studies, unless I have to in the end.

Too Nice

I know something I do that might get me uptight and in trouble.  It's like, "If you want."

TV

I just watched Stephen Colbert!

England

Johnny Depp and Tim Burton catered to England.  Johnny Depp seems well known in France, too, because his longest girlfriend was French.

Question

Do you know what to do after you see the external stimuli and go thru time, or do you get to some work right away?

Instagram

link

Very good! The concertmaster is cute! I've seen her a lot. I follow the Freiburger Barockorchester online and will see them live for the first time the day before my birthday. I was in church choir mostly age 8-18. It must be fun working with them. When I was in college, I remember the orchestra only went thru the music once to accompany us in choir. It was "the LPO" which I admired and saw once a year with a concert pianist featured. I got to be a piano major at Loyola University New Orleans for a year, when I was 18. Anyway, I switched to band the 2nd semester, which I'd done before, on glockenspiel. I am not sure, but I believe you have worked with the FBO before. Aren't they cute? The founder is very admirable, as well. I am taking violin now to replace the piano, but tho I haven't played much since 2005 can still do it. I loved accompanying. I want to do violin now so I can be in an orchestra and am learning German and hope I am accepted. One violin teacher said I was the best sight reader she ever saw. In certain easier keys with normal melodies, I can usually play thru. You're a choir, so I wonder how advanced the music gets in a real choir. It sure is fun, tho, to be a singer. I just am drawn to playing with music. I wanted to play violin when I was 6 and heard of it but forgot again to ask. My schools only had bands. Well, thanks so much for posting this and nice to meet you.

Inappropriate

Early Boomers shouldn't take out their anger on Generation X.  It's not my fault.

Bored and Lonely

Sometimes, it's hard to know what to do.

I don't know why I feel a need to communicate, but I'm alone in a crowd.

"Loco in la Cabeza" (Spanish for "Crazy in the Head")

People are crazy to be against you if you get a mistaken reaction.

Reminiscing

I was thinking about an orchestra I like from Germany.

Another separate issue, in general, Germans don't "give a damn" about Americans.

Back to the orchestra, they don't answer my e-mails, only my 1st one.

They must be too busy to talk to anyone else in their life.

I like them, but I don't know why the rude response.  Too bad.  They are like secretaries, too, never contacted the musicians by e-mail.  I sent them a Christmas card to give to someone, but I don't know if they got it ...or like it...

Please don't take this post in a bad way; I was nice and wonder why Germans are like that.  You know, nothing related to these people, but they in general shouldn't be proud of their racism and take it out on me.  Did they invent it?  Cuz that's my problem I mostly seem to come back to for some reason, tho I don't really have such bad racial problems with myself as a person it seems in ways.

So, I'm just telling facts.  Just because Americans get the sign that I'm stating an offense, they go out and assume it's all sarcasm like them.  I'm not crazy or anything, just saying!  Someone else could say it and worse, if they are all Caucasian and get away with it.  To start you off on the right foot, I mentioned these people only because their secretaries won't respond now.  I happened to realize something about Germany in general and find them grumpy and I dislike people bossy to me.  I actually am very good and don't accuse them of being bad at the start, but they are racist to me, like Americans.  So, why do people like Germany if they are so mean?  I only meant I didn't find them bad for the Nazis.  Too bad they got out of hand.

It's your fault if you take this as a bad message to do with them.  It's not.  "Learn to read."  I even explained it.  In fact, I am concerned and want to know what's up now.  I am learning German, you know, but I guess some of them are bad.  Did someone ruin my reputation so I can't seem to get along with anyone???  Concerning Germany, I already felt accepted, but something must have happened.

If you are revolving around the fact I mentioned the secretaries for an orchestra I like didn't answer in the same post, I mean they may have learned to think that way of themselves from others or feel pressured to be that way or don't have time supposedly.  I think they do, I tried to talk to them online, but they blocked me.  I had to get a new account.  They didn't even say anything, like there's something wrong with me or maybe problems I found later.

It's funny tho I feel like I'm in trouble.

Howcome people online don't talk at length like they tend to in reality? like it's weird, even when it's advanced and good.

So, no offense.

Hey... why are Germans so self-righteous?  It's a pain to see some of them.  I guess they are normal.

Do you feel as tho England is more accepting to Americans; but what if you like Germany?  I don't think they're better as individuals.  Even if you live in Germany, they might not take you as white, even if you started as a baby.  I imagine England is more welcoming, but it's not the only country in the world.

Upset

I feel people are treating me like my dad is an Early Boomer and it has something to do with me when it doesn't in a lot of ways.

Sick of It

I'm sick of how they make Late Boomers seem like they have it together over me.

You know, I always do that to people who act bossy or like they think they have a handle on me.

Normal

Shouldn't people just be proud if I like them, like anyone else?

My Reputation

I'm not notorious nor imposing.  You must be hypnotized by my someone I know.

cont.

...they want to hurt me and not just debate.

Not Trying to Shock and Fight People

The people monitoring me in private really keep on and on fighting me, like something's wrong.

Uselessness

People keep wasting my life inquiring someone older I met has younger needs than me when that doesn't seem to be a problem already.

cont.

They are discussing something obvious I disagree with.

In Trouble?

Someone seems really mad at me, affecting my relationship with someone.  I don't know where these things come from.  They elaborately designed a message against me to do with it, I just realized.

Why the sudden change? Planned all along?

Before, people acted like they were happy for me to have a relationship with someone older, but now they're all swearing over the grave for the opposite.

Generations

They put Generation X below Late Boomers.

Pathetic

They keep acting like I'm in trouble.

Bothered

It seems an older person I know was ruined, and they are all crazy on whether or not I deserve it like a punishment for something in my past.

Ahaha!

They seem to be behind, something everyone or I already know.

I can't trust people.

I don't know why I'm like in social trouble.

So..

They keep getting upset at me coupled with someone else, like I have a problem.

I kinda sided with the person undergoing hardships in some ways.  I dunno what's really wrong.

So.. supposedly, it was a big deal I felt upset about something that was to do with something.

Question

Howcome only some people have problems with someone else being overly simulated and they can't maybe?  Does it have anything to do with the problems of Generation X?

It just keeps coming up.

Superstitious

The people monitoring me in private are being superstitious about what I say.

"Since when"

was I bad?

I feel like

I got made fun of for no reason.

Ignored

They want someone older I like to get me ignored for telling me my beliefs mean something else and are wrong.

They're really annoying.  I like them, but I don't really know who they are.

Smart

They're being racist.

Question

Do I seem like I did something wrong?

What's your problem?

They think they are cute to spam me with nonsense after I made an important, profound statement.  Hey, I'm trying to make it in this world.

Calm, Cool, and Collected

I don't know what their problem is, but everything isn't all perfect.

Question

So, why did my relationship with someone get ruined for no reason, like it was booked?

Pish Posh

The people monitoring me in private are acting weird about how stimulated they believe different people are supposed to get on a scale of how much.

Brainiac

Would it offend you if I said my hair was blonde?

Kids Who Always Want to Play

I am watching a Jurassic Park movie, and the English mom wants the daughter to stay near camp by the beach, but she goes away, probably because she feels ill at ease and maybe diabetic.

I wonder...

...if Generation X or Millennials have problems getting stimulated, it should be corrected.

Everyone is just different, not between 2 things.

After going thru my moral battle, I felt I like it better if someone else is more stimulated than me.  I don't want it the opposite.

Questionable

Why is Europe so into if you thought one thing off in the past, you are bad?

Watcha think?

What do you think of people who try to "get it out" just to make a difference? like sound confused and mad.  It made a change in me.

Wallowing About My Hardships for No Reason

I feel like all the attention is being drawn to someone who was giving me attention.

I was gonna even talk about what about the ways that person might not like me cuz I'm bored and somewhat lonely.

I understand just going on living life not talking about certain things, but in the end I'm in the doghouse.

What Foolish People

Why are such annoying people wanting to take away attention some people get from Late Boomers all of a sudden and started tracking that out since they were too young to be supposed to know?

They all sound dishonest.

Where did such annoying people come from?

I knew that Late Boomers seemed to just care about Generation Z, anyone born around 1997/1998.  Somehow, this is playing with my life.  I thought I would accept my situation and not complain, but it didn't seem to include other people my age.  I felt challenged to say I didn't want other people from my generation to get attention from Late Boomers, too, so it was weird.  I hate it when people keep talking for me, so-to-speak.  They didn't have to do that, and they believe the worst of me and look funny for how annoying they are.

Anyway ... I don't feel like I "made it" myself.  I am bored and lonely, tho.

Detector

I'm starting to dislike people like 5 or so years older than me acting like they can be my parent.

Weird and Unwanted Reactions and Repercussions from Others

What do you think when people want to take you from a relationship you have with an older adult and say they can provide the emotions for you instead?  Like maybe your life isn't that great and the world is getting messed up.  I mean, it wasn't really a pleasant experience.  I think it's like they wanted to take the relationship I have for themselves to "look up to."  It's like they tried hard to do what they did, and they didn't really make a statement.  They are incredibly annoying in what they judged of me and what they "just had to do."  I know I can make those people happy, but someone must have gotten them to be really annoying to me.  I mean, people all used to respect me.

Mood Ring

It seems I am getting better, but life is getting worse.

"The search is on."

Howcome in the US we end up in several different activities as a child?

I AM talented!

I may be small, but I'm powerful!

The Challenges of Hollywood, Eventually

Life is about what people do who are famous actors.  Eventually, for them, they are bored with nothing to do.

Update

I added information about someone from my People website, linked on the side of this blog.

A Peculiar Process

Do you think it is great and out of your control anyway if a popular person gets exploited? and it ruins their relationships?

Like, Johnny Depp.  I really liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and he made it worth it.  I always leaned towards these kinds of things, as I even watched Barney the Dinosaur as a kid.  I didn't mean to exploit him in my strong interest in this movie.

Communism

Why should good people be inappropriately stimulated, in your opinion, when it was supposedly prohibited like a drug?

Question

Do you like inappropriate stimulation? as in like for instance only one person is strangely encouraged to feel silly and suggestively about something?  So, do you like it?

Sacrifice

When were Late Boomers sacrificial?

Good at Communication ... About What?

I am good at communicating.  Are people who don't blog just hiding out there?  What if you didn't like anyone?  I guess everyone prefers to wait for others and the ones already blogging get tossed for no reason.

The Silly Little Things

It's funny when everything is going right, but silly little problems affect an older relationship that was successful.

cont.

Some issues in life might seem more cleaned out and attended to, but don't let that fool you about how pathetic this is.  They are afraid I got attention, and this is their way out.

Question

So, why were things better before and now it's about going silly? like you're too nitpicky if you see an urgent problem, something to solve and not stretch out in pieces over time until "the end" or "forever?"  Also, if something goes a little wrong with something related, it gets worse, unusually.

"It must be hard..."

knowing you will never be anything and refuse to be anything.

You know, in some way or sorrow.

"Who cares?"

Who cares about people who don't care about life, anyway?

Another Joke for the Masses

I could have kept a relationship with someone older nice, but because she got exploited to the world supposedly she goes silly in new ways while other people don't.

No People

When nonwhite people who look white have to realize their race, what happened was that other people won't communicate and engage in them like another person who matters, when it matters for the other person.

A Pointless Planet

Some people who "make it" all seem to pretend to create drama.

"I don't want to be fat."

Why?  I wasn't fat before.

cont.

They think an excuse can come up.

Okay, people, it's over!

People are still exploiting an older person I like so they can ruin it for what it was for me.  We were fine.

Is he your favorite, too??

I like Neil Patrick Harris on How I Met Your Mother.  I watched it for Alyson Hannigan, the girl who played the girl who talked about Band Camp in at least one of the American Pie movies.  I tried to see if she played an instrument but no, tho someone else I know played flute at band camp.

"Trying to Get Attention"

People are trying to take something I said and get from A to C without going thru B.

They want to make an older person I like bad in the ways they are and them supposedly transform into other people.

Bored

I want to check certain celebrities online but feel stalked by them when I read it, with suggestive messages that say I'm in trouble and maybe should go away.

What I Get & Want

People think I'm not supposed to get something I got, like to surprise me.  Then, they think I can't associate with the people I want.

Update

I updated a person on my People website.  Here is the link: link.

Manners

What do you think about being nice versus doing the right thing?

Hard to Get Curse Words out of My Head and Some of the Social Conditions at School

You know how they cover curse words on TV often?  At school, at least a lot at one I went to for a couple years, bad kids would curse like sometimes 100 words at a time, it seemed; it was a private, Catholic school (elementary and junior high,) too.  In class, they used curse words and were out of place talking, too.

I know they also grew to hate shy people, like they could not handle the idea.  One girl made it the announcement to one teacher.  They thought I was very shy.

Funny I wanted to talk to people, but people tried to get me to talk when the teacher said not to, and I was considered forever shy for some reason.  At break, they all took off and would not talk to me.  I also stopped growing then, when I was taller for my age before.

Attitude Particularities

People are mean to me if I accidentally feel upset on the inside.

I try to influence myself by what I watch on TV, but it's not so easy.  I notice everyone has an attitude, anyway.

Sometimes, it's hard to concentrate in the silence.

I feel I am upset at people as they misjudge me, and then people go in and knock out my sensitivities and make me mad and it's a chain reaction of me being the butt of it all if anything, sometimes.

Update

I updated my People website.

Gossip

We need more gossip.

Everyone is bored with nothing to do, judging from what I used to get in the media from TV sometimes, some other than to "get high."

I'm not sure what normal people do for their stimulation.  Probably looking in the mirror does it.  ...  or that piece of paper with their name on it, with, next to it, the word that spells out the color of it, indicating their race.

I wonder why stuff goes on that you're not supposed to talk about.  It's interesting social stuff for an eventless life at present.

On the other hand, it seems that the social world, like MySpace, stopped.

It's rare to spot an effort of communication online or any Facebook networking, from normal people and people everyone wants to talk to.  What if they think the internet doesn't matter, but they don't realize we all hate that there's not much we can do to improve it quickly, as explained.

Update

I added another picture to someone on the People website: link.

Update

I added my contact info linked on the side of this blog:

ChristinaBarrett.US@gmail.com

1-407-417-7315

Pretty Much

If you go for it and you're all white, you'll get it because I did the same thing and I'm not all white, so I'm missing the sex.

Update

I added to an old website and linked it on the side of this blog.

Here is the link: link.

"Held Back"

Every time I try to be something, I feel held back by someone.

Who really gets "a clean slate?"

Are you supposed to be well-behaved and do your work at school growing up or know you want to be a violinist already?

Article

link

June 11, 2015

"Stop ‘Defending’ Music Education"

"I have played in concert bands, a couple of jazz bands, and pit orchestras; I have directed church choirs and community musical theater. ... come together and connect to each other."

That sounds almost exactly like me.   I know!  It makes you the ultimate star in worth.

From there, you can chose your favorite musical instrument and go on to achieve musically and "artistically."  I made the mistake of going on a sabbatical for too long, and some of it's changed, for better and worse.  I pulled thru those times singing karaoke on my own most all those years, save for at first when I lost my voice for not using it.  My goal is to be a classical musician in a travelling orchestra and to live in Germany.  I like violin, so that's what I'm doing, tho I didn't do it much with private lessons until the month before I turned 30.

Sabbatical

If people think I'm not doing what I like, then I don't know why I'm doing nothing.

Now's my chance.

I can focus on violin practicing and actually do it.

Education

I used to think Music Education was superior to Education, in some ways, and a part of it.  It's a magical land.

My Fame

I feel like I'm the Brady Bunch.

People

Do people matter?

"The Reason for the Season"

Don't people sometimes make it a point to talk to each other to interact on the joys of the philosophies in life?

Any Attention?

I run into my dad a lot.  It's awkward because I didn't grow up to do that.

Life is hard.

Sometimes, I'm not that smart to say things and get by without being attacked by people who know me, enraged by what I say that speaks the truth.  Sometimes, I can.

Free!

Why am I trapped and I wake up and see other people who are free?  I'm glad they are free, but what about me?

Extracting Demons in Life

I have the best moral judgment of myself.

I can't seem to get by perfectly, but I do the right thing.  People just like to see me as sarcastic.

Like, what could possibly be wrong or too interesting about this post?

Special Rules?

I am allowed to talk about whatever comes my way and whatever I want.

Rules are a fragile thing not to be tampered with.  Give and take.

An Example of Having to Tolerate Certain People

Why can some people say no to someone they don't want to mess with them but others are forced into it if they know me?

Being Good

I don't need people telling me what to post.

I have the same rules as everyone else.

Blaming Others

People complain I didn't have problems they did, but they are having better social lives, now, for how they act.

Getting Past 1st Base

People wait with me and make things not okay around others, but once I'm down other people are up.  I think that's just an indifferent, obviously stressful fact.

"Living in Style"

How can being deficient in style be over and above others with style itself?

I know some people fixate on it in different ways.  Like, the difference between my dad and his 2 younger sisters.  I remember my dad liked "living in style."  He's not a girl, tho, and his sisters are very stylish in life in different ways.

I just can't win.

I feel awkward when people think I should be in trouble for private thoughts, and it catches on and sometimes I physically react or am mad in private physically but don't throw and break things.

Like My Dad

I noticed some younger people copy or confide in my dad, and black people are like my dad, in a more mature way as a person than most people who copy him, like they did it themselves already.

Spick and Span

Someone is mad my room is clean and supposedly I can live successfully now.

"Ring Around the Rosy"

Even if it's about making something easier for me and harder for someone else, in the end, it's to never let me have it as good as I had and could have.

Tricksy

I wonder why someone I know is such a joker in wit, sometimes okay, sometimes not, and people pay attention because I'm a mixed race relationship who has/had good relationships outside of my family, to ruin my life.

"No Child Left Behind"

People are not usually mean to families like mine with a good kid with a somewhat good life.  Everyone is just complaining about families who didn't have a chance for whatever secret reason.  They are mean to me, tho, because I'm pretty successful with a moral life and broke thru racial hardships.

Handing Feelings Right

You know how different places are different?

The holy people in the Northern Midwest sound like a party of love, whereas other places practice keeping things too unfeeling and pointless. The people who have a party of love are still spot on, but the people who are unfeeling and pointless aren't.

cont.

...and it's funny because Europe was so welcoming.  What happened?

Different Cultures

Do you know the feeling people get when they see another culture in another part of the US get ahead and they think, "Weren't we, like, supposed to wait and do it together?"  Actually, it means they didn't also let someone be who they want to be.

My Lifestyle

Should I just turn in because I wasn't always perfect in later years but not mean ... and people see me as bad still?  I just don't see how I can feel good.  I kind of have but hope to go on in college again, starting at a community college but not taking the general studies maybe.

Question for My Dad & Aunt (His Older Younger Sister)

How do you feel about me?  I grew up being told I was well-behaved all the time.  If you knew in private that I had fits when upset, would you consider me less as a person?

I wonder if us talking about it will irritate others who act like they profess otherwise.  They think I'm inferior racially.  That's their excuse to be how they are to me.

Also, if I have some difficulty adapting handling people who are mean to me who won't stop even when they know I want them to know I feel bad and to just stop whatever it is then and maybe have to go away for then at least, would you think I was mentally ill?

I'm guessing you don't have this problem because you don't have people who base their life on hurting you for your race, tho I grew up as a normal kid.  I feel I am tossed away as trash, if I seem inferior because of other hardships but discriminated because of mixed race.

Just know I don't want to bother people nor act too crazy in private ever.  For instance, I seemed better and felt like celebrating, tho others still don't accept me for my past.  Anyway, it got a bit worse.  I kept posting how upset I was and wanted it to stop, like I said in these cases sometimes, but after I was at my wit's end posting how miserable I was over and over, people continued to say the same things.  I was mad physically then.  It's because I was trying to post my problems and was so tired and they wouldn't quit.  I cared what they said because they can affect my life a lot.  It's a secret.  I can blame those people and someone else I won't name for starting to irritate me when things were fine and I knew I needed to feel better somehow because of my past bothering me.  Then, I got upset gradually more and more.

Making Up Social Rules for Some

Did you know Late Boomers make up social rules against you to look good because they get whatever they want?

"Not 'the One'"

Some people keep joking I'm "not the one."  However, they like to make other people "the ones."

Examples of Believing in Lying

People tell me someone in my life is the ideal, tho they don't look very symmetrical and skinny; they are obese and look atypical in shape.  However, I don't see them doing that to Generation Z (people born around 1997/1998.)

People calmly suggest an older lady I know might die, like they are smirking, settled, because it's not their "relationship" and they think I have to be in trouble with other people when I'm not.  They think that the whole world thinking of them all the time for over a year is why and they don't care and think it's funny.

"...and I'm proud to be an American, where at least..."

Why are Americans so dirty, worn out, and monotonous?

"Rock Paper Scissors ... Shoot!"

People like to shock you with decision-needing messages to confuse you and read an inner reaction so they can pretend it was a bad one and now everything's okay because they think they just proved you wrong and therefore them right.

If you did what I did...

...would you not be educated, too?

A New Favorite to All

It's not just a competition to Late Boomers.  It's just an excuse made up for real problems that exist between all.  If you wanna be a kid, you should still do it, at least on the inside.

Suffering from Abuse

It seems like because people fooled me and mistreated me as a young person that I'm unfairly trash to everyone now.  Like, school was just a 3-ring-circus providing things like busywork at home.  I'm not smart like I should be.  I somehow never did violin when I was younger.

Attempts at Evening out Among Peers

If you do what you're supposed to and at school, life should get better, but it doesn't because the people who didn't do it have more energy later and the people who did it are on a different "biological clock."  In the end, the ones who have a better life are the people who were bad as kids.  I know people are mad at me and want the supposed "bad" people to be seem as not as equals but "better" than me.  They make excuses saying I'm not perfect or include something about me racially.  I don't want to sacrifice myself as a person because bad kids just feel like saying I can't be as good as they are.

"The Big Easy"

I notice people are laid back and don't take charge of anything in the situation for me.

People are too stubborn to care about me if I need them in a situation or "group 'activity.'"

Sad About Family

It seems family is all about younger people who had kids in a rush.

My family seems like it's depressing sometimes.

Relatives are nice, but it can get in the way because then you don't "have" to go on and meet other people.  My aunt has some nice in-laws.  I didn't see my relatives much and ended up losing my relationship with my relatives, moreso.

I don't want to copy supposed "trashy" families and just forget about life.  People copy supposedly "trashy" people to say they handled it.

I also don't like how people try to get back at family members.  I don't like how people are at me for what I post online, neither, because I'm me and I don't belong to anyone else.  They're still fighting it with what energy they have for whatever reason because I don't have it and they're responsible and don't want to admit it to the world, very scared of that.  They just want the glamour life now.  There's no essence.  They've "retired" from it all.

Overly Complimenting Me to Blaring at Me I'm Not All That

Why do people find wrong in me?  It's ridiculous.  I used to be told I was very good, out of nowhere.  Because I was told that, people told me the opposite later.  Different people said it who don't know each other.  They just didn't feel I knew what my problems were.  That's all I seem to get.

The Truth

Why am I supposed to baby people who are older than me because my dad is older than them?

That wasn't really my conscious concern.  Where do these messages all come from?

Uninvolved

While I face problems that upset me, people back off because they don't have to be involved, my problem being attacked racially because I'm not considered perfect tho not really bad.  I am in trouble, secretly yet not secretly, in the end.

Another Secret

I want to watch this video online, but it is so overrated, to my pride and apprehension.

I was thinking of watching other videos of this, but they aren't as prepared.  It's like one of those things that are built up like a maze you put a marble on and it rolls down all these slides.  Someone in this video doesn't have the problems I listed in my last post.

Why I Am Notorious

Pretty much, some people get to hate on me who everyone is scared of:


• I did not come set up online like my whole world is in the Mickey Mouse format of Twitter.

• I am 1/2 Asian from my mom, but people are jealous she is a Late Boomer and chose to be mean to me because they are jealous of her generation and me being her daughter.

• My dad is an Early Boomer.

• I am younger than a Late Boomer and older than Generation Z.  Specifically, I am born in 1986, and people find me young enough to be jealous of by Generation X yet from a tacky time that was a lie to that life could be good for me.  People just got jealous, either of how young I was or for younger people maybe how I was still like from the 1980s in some ways.

• I am not from Up North, but my parents aren't from Florida or New Orleans.  I happen to be from there.

• I am American, as opposed to being from Europe.