I wonder if I inherited any traits of being fat or anything that I have to work off somehow. I'm already trying to keep up my health. I saw someone else in a similar situation who was more like me in ways others aren't, for some reason. It made me get a drink of water. What if people were just animals or robots and "love" or emotions were just a made up fantasy? I hope not; so, "what'll it be?"
Why is it suddenly okay for people to say I'm something that is not the product of what I wanted to be or grew to try to be, and others are that way, in certain ways?
I feel like I'm hyperventilating that I'm not skinny, and it shouldn't be that bad simply because of fat quantity. I know it is popular that a significant amount of white people only like their Asians skinny, but they run the risk of gaining weight like me.
In fact I wasn't that fat before, and people acted like I must have weird, inappropriate desires. What if my parents were too hard on me as an infant? Like, "Oh, why aren't you as skinny as your mom is now when you're an infant? You're not your mom, and she's better. You're not the same race as your parents, neither. Why did you get fatter as a baby?" I feel like I share traits with my parents in "gay" ways. Why would anyone want that? One of the biggest thing people liked to say was that some people don't accept or like who they are, which can be said more now as being "self haters." How is that possible to not care? Those must be bad people who think they can go thru life doing this to people.
I know people seem to tell me I'm something I'm not. I think I just had a hard life and don't want to be too close to some of the people I'm related to. What else do you have to say? I know that in trying to get in shape, for example, I feel people want to stop me and accuse me of trying to come off as something I'm not, somehow. They don't believe in tomorrow. They only believe in what it says before. People are nice to me and then take it back to act like they can accuse me of "taking" in that I accepted people I liked talking to me. Why are people so obsessed that people have to be seen as as good as their parents in certain ways when they fail to show themselves apart? Also, I don't really want parents if that's the case. I feel rejected like maybe there is something essentially wrong with my intents and me as a person, like if I don't follow what other people say that I will not be okay with how things around me are. It's like we're all okay but it's illegal to think we're that good anymore. There are some physical things that are hard to change, like injuries, if you bit or cut your nails, your proportions, etc.
What if people are waiting to hurt lucky people? It sounds scary that maybe all the good people are unfairly good. Why don't the people who are not like that go for it and try to be like that, instead?
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